in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize