she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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