Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
