Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
