So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
