i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
