ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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