wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
