just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
