If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
