I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize