if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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