Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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