she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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