found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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