my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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