we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
