I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
