Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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