I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
