I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
