Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
