Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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