Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
