I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
