Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize