real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
