I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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