Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
