i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
