I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
