So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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