All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
