your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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