weddingsv make me drug and hornr
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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