I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
