Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
