I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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