Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize