I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
