Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
