i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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