Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
