i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I will pee on everything he values.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My life is pants optional.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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