Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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