ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
