True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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