i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
