you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
