The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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