lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
