Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
