I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
