Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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