wrigley field is MILF paradise
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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