I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
