does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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