He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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