I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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