Who did Billy Mays play for?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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