im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize