Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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