yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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