remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
