Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am one with the molecules
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
